2012.03.19
Let's face it. Not all of us have an in-built sexual vocabulary. While we all want to whisper sexy nothings into our partner's ear, most of us fear that it would come out wrong. If it's too crass you will cringe, too corny and you'll cringe even more. But when done right, dirty talk can be totally hot. While we know many women who can dirty talk their way to a moist *ahem south end, it's the men who may have a problem with the sex talk.
Sex therapist, and author of Sex Secrets for Busy People, Jacqueline Hellyer explains why men find it so hard to talk dirty:
She says while men are known for being porn lovers and are quick to respond to visual stimuli, they don't have the same aural G-spot as women. "Also, there's still a negative, puritanical message about sex in society," says Hellyer. "As a counter to that, we now have a huge proliferation of porn and sleazy sex. So we have a prude-and-porn dichotomy with no in-between: The alternative to unappealing sleaze is to be overly restrained."
So in other words, men are scared of sounding pervy. Hellyer suggests casting these fears aside, because after all, erotic banter enhances sex for both speaker and listener.
Now that you know how men feel about sex talk, what can you do to encourage them to talk dirty to you? Here's how:
Gush, Wildly. Men are simple creatures. A compliment about their physiology (yep, size-related) or prowess will do us. Lie, only if necessary.
Keep it Positive. If one of you say things the other didn't like, say so—gently. Try, "Oh, I don't really like that word. But I loved it when you said..."
Be Responsive. When a guy is doing the talking, a little lusty moaning from you is precious reassurance. As opposed to, say, asking if he remembered to let the cat out.
Expand Your Vocab. Surprise is key, so you need to keep pushing the envelope. After the compliments—"Your chest is so sexy"—move on to what you'd like to do to him and end it with where, exactly, you'd like him to put his massive...
Debrief. Post-sex is an excellent time to talk about what you both liked, what worked, and any issues that might have come up.
Get Creative. Dominance and submission work for some. Others prefer role-playing or erotic poetry, even. Just see where it takes you.
Sex therapist, and author of Sex Secrets for Busy People, Jacqueline Hellyer explains why men find it so hard to talk dirty:
She says while men are known for being porn lovers and are quick to respond to visual stimuli, they don't have the same aural G-spot as women. "Also, there's still a negative, puritanical message about sex in society," says Hellyer. "As a counter to that, we now have a huge proliferation of porn and sleazy sex. So we have a prude-and-porn dichotomy with no in-between: The alternative to unappealing sleaze is to be overly restrained."
So in other words, men are scared of sounding pervy. Hellyer suggests casting these fears aside, because after all, erotic banter enhances sex for both speaker and listener.
Now that you know how men feel about sex talk, what can you do to encourage them to talk dirty to you? Here's how:
Gush, Wildly. Men are simple creatures. A compliment about their physiology (yep, size-related) or prowess will do us. Lie, only if necessary.
Keep it Positive. If one of you say things the other didn't like, say so—gently. Try, "Oh, I don't really like that word. But I loved it when you said..."
Be Responsive. When a guy is doing the talking, a little lusty moaning from you is precious reassurance. As opposed to, say, asking if he remembered to let the cat out.
Expand Your Vocab. Surprise is key, so you need to keep pushing the envelope. After the compliments—"Your chest is so sexy"—move on to what you'd like to do to him and end it with where, exactly, you'd like him to put his massive...
Debrief. Post-sex is an excellent time to talk about what you both liked, what worked, and any issues that might have come up.
Get Creative. Dominance and submission work for some. Others prefer role-playing or erotic poetry, even. Just see where it takes you.
- dirty talk,
- sex talk,
- men,
- women,
- sex
